| Report: | 🎾 MATCH REPORT: OLLIE HEROICS UNDONE BY THOR HORROR SHOW
In what can only be described as one of the great individual performances in doubles history, Ollie produced two and a half hours of virtually flawless tennis — only to discover, unfortunately, that doubles requires two functioning players.
Ollie was simply outstanding. He didn’t miss a shot all match. Groundstrokes? Metronomic. Returns? Laser-guided. Consistency? Djokovic-esque. And the serve was on a completely different level — huge, accurate and relentlessly effective.
Sadly, at the other end of the court was Thor.
Thor’s afternoon began with a double fault, continued with several more double faults, and then really found its rhythm with… another double fault.
At the net, things somehow deteriorated further. Volleys were dumped into the net, pushed wide or occasionally struck in directions previously unknown to tennis. On the rare occasions the ball reached Thor from the baseline, the outcome was reassuringly predictable: missed ground shot.
Forehand: missed.
Backhand: missed.
Volley: missed.
Serve: double fault.
Meanwhile, Ollie battled heroically on, desperately attempting to cover approximately 94% of the tennis court while simultaneously offering encouragement to a partner who appeared to be playing the sport for the first time.
There has apparently been some concern recently about Ollie’s bad back. After today, the diagnosis is clear:
He’s been carrying Thor for two and a half hours.
Medical professionals are recommending rest, ice and, most importantly, a new doubles partner.
Man of the Match: Ollie, obviously.
Shot of the Match: Literally any shot Ollie hit.
Moment to Forget: Thor’s entire afternoon.
Thor’s first-serve percentage: Classified information.
Ollie’s chiropractor: Now booking appointments well into September. |
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